did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
