found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
