i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
