Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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