Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
