we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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