My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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