so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
