living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
