He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
