I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
