She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize