plz talk dirty to me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
