fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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