Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
