i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
