Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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