That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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