I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
