I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize