Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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