Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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