i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
