oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
