She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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