Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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