i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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