Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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