just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
