How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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