"it" just moved
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
