she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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