You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
