I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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