I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
