Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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