Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
