4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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