WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
