in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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