Can i not drive my cunt home
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
