thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
