Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
