If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
