naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
