..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
