I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
