I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
