Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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