my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize