I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sext me about skeletons
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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