why didn't you poke me back
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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