this boner is exhausting
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
