She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
