Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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