A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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