and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
