he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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