If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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