Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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