Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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