Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
