forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
