If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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