I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
