sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
