atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
