Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
