I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
