I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
