I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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