I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
