it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
